counting days and nights

hi..

spending time with him yesterday,talking and laughing..we talked about our future,what we going to do next,our dream,marriage,dream house and so much more.. i was happy and so do with him.. seeing his laugh,always relief somehow,like a connection between him and me.. i love to see his face while he was talking,what a sweet-little-face that he have..rawwww

but!!

i am realize.. as i am enjoy and happy now,it is going to end.. i already finish my dip here, i already finish my work here, and many more already finish long before.. i am going to leave him behind.. we will be separate soon.. my next turn is about to further my degree or going as a worker and he is going to continue his work too.. then i'm departure either to back home or just stay here and he is still here because of work.. see,how far the distance that separate us together if im back my hometown and he is here.. i am confuse,my heart wanna take the fucking offer, further it at a place that i always want to go but i am afraid of losing him.. i can't stand the long-distance-relationship.. i am so going-to-die.. i'm not the type can be patient enough and wait for someone for too long..

can i have him there with me? i know the answer is a big-NO-no to me.. as i know how hard to live in the foreign country and i know i can't have him by my side like always.. he has his life too ok!.. and i am NOT sure to go there too.. i am stuck between my family-him-my need.. i have less than 6 or 7 month to further my education (degree) in where which i don't know yet.. and also,i have less than 6 or 7 month to be with him.. sayang,what should i do then?

in the next month, i know that i will have a lot of sweet memory with you.. snap picture as much as i could and be by your side all the time honey.. imagine your day sayang, without me by your side? would you see them? would you see how much i'm suffer? would you smile when i am not around? would you eat your meal on the time? would you have enough sleep sayang? i was worried about you because i know you better than anyone else..then can you imagine how i suppose to live there,alone? my days and my nights there,in the foreign land? do not know anyone? i am useless in making friend,so it is hard for me..my ma,can i decide my own future? i am big enough,i might your little-baby-girl but i am 21 years old already.. let me decide it,please?